Damsel Diaries 9 years ago Three Races
The truth is, I quite love being alone. I have never found a great deal of comfort in crowds and shy away from social engagements. A combination of social anxiety and having some pretty horrific events happen to me during high school which involved a bunch of back stabbing, rumor spreading and bullying have left me being, contrary to popular belief, a pretty introverted person. This is why I have always been a runner. It gives me true quality time with myself.
However, I wasn’t able to feel such happiness and content in being with myself until after I started running and it wasn’t until I turned 18 that I began to run. Yes, I ran track in high school, but that wasn’t the type of running that was going to liberate me from the entrapment I felt. I felt trapped in my town, trapped in my clothes, trapped in my school and, most of all, trapped in other peoples distorted perception of who I was. So, I ran. But the running did not come easy. The night before I raced to Chicago I called my Mom into my room and cried tears of homesickness as she held me in her arms. I didn’t want to run, but I didn’t know what else to do. I knew what I was running away from, but I didn’t know what I was running toward. As much as we sometimes want time to stop for us to figure things out, sometimes the best thing about life is that the clock will continue to tick no matter what we do. The next morning, I jumped in my car and started the drive from Taft, Texas to Chicago, IL.
I hopped from apartment to apartment, averaging 3 moves a year {give or take} for 7 years straight. That is 21 moves from the ages of 18 to 25. {I know this because my Mom and I once counted}. Come to find out the more I ran, the easier it became. Sitting still became boring. I loved the idea that with every new surrounding I moved in to, I could mold myself to become a different type of person. I could explore different sides to my personality. I began to grow up and became an adult. Along the way I ran from Chicago to Los Angeles and when I turned 25, the year I met my husband, the running slowed down a touch. We married when I was 28 years old and I found a very happy comfort zone in our home which was when my second race began.
It’s pretty incredible how fast you can run when you have a serge of motivation wrapped around your heart. With the support and confidence from Grant, it was as if I was given an entirely new set of fresh legs to use. At some point, between being a friend, a wife and a small business owner, the more I stepped foot on an airplane the more I experienced the high from travel. Before I knew it, I was nearly 3 years into my marriage and traveling over 25 times a year. Just to put that in context: I was averaging around 5 or 6 flights a month. What a race it was! Paris, Sydney, Florence, Africa . . . with every racing plane that flew out of Los Angeles I was getting to explore parts of the world that I’d only dreamed of. With every new surrounding I experienced, I would learn about the different cultures, people and history of these incredible places. Without even realizing it, I had gone from running away from life, to running toward it.
Just because I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off doesn’t mean I was getting anywhere fast. I had gotten so used to spontaneously hopping around in my life that I didn’t know how to sit still. As much as I once loved sitting alone with my thoughts, I quickly found that I was never truly alone, always sitting on a crowded bus, moving airplane, bustling restaurant and constantly meeting and greeting with people in different cities. Then, one fateful night in New York it hit me: I was running so fast toward a life I wanted, that I wasn’t enjoying the wonderful life I had.
Sometimes when you run too fast, you can get hurt. Sitting in a beautiful hotel room at age 31 I found the same lost girl who cried in her mother’s arms at age 18. I was exhausted, burnt out and homesick.
So, I ran home.
After a long talk with Grant and a few months of cutting back on travel, I have slowly started to prep for my third race which is all about finding balance. I’m inserting my favorite old hobbies into the mix such as playing piano and flying airplanes with my brother. I also have a few very big work endeavors that are tying me to the office which has been a nice change. I’m running toward all of my hopes and dreams that have been building in my heart since I first started running at 18, but I am also sure to take the necessary pit stops along the way for water, movie nights with the family and rest to rejuvenate my legs.
Every run has its own story filled with struggle, victory and defeat. Some end in heartache and others in happiness and it is only up to the runner to determine how devoted they are to the race. The best part about the lesson is that the only place you will find it is at the finish line.
This post is dedicated to my best friend Catt Sadler {my favorite running buddy} who I will be running the half marathon in Santa Ynez with tomorrow. You inspire me to live life to its fullest & are a wonderful example that if you run toward your dreams, you can reach them.
Images borrowed from: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8
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