Damsel Diaries 9 years ago Star Gazing
I cannot sleep and when I cannot sleep I write and when I cannot write I open up my phone notes and type out whatever it is that is on my mind because it isn’t until it is out that I will have a fighting chance of sleep until setting my thoughts free.
Dad and I used to lay on the trampoline on weekend nights when I was in grade school and gaze up at the milky way galaxy counting constellations. This was back when weeks felt like years and days felt like weeks and the only thing that mattered in life were the 5-10 minutes that presented themselves before you and what adventure you were taking during those long moments of time. He taught me all of the constellations he knew, he taught me all about meteorology and outer-space, and, most importantly, he taught me about the importance of wishing upon a star. The lyrics went:
“Star light, star bright, The first star I see tonight; I wish I may, I wish I might, Have the wish I wish tonight.”
This always came with a warning of “be careful what you wish for,” from my Dad because he instilled in me the faith that what you truly wish for will come true if you believe in it hard enough. It wasn’t until the 4th grade that I began to trust in his notion of wishing on the first star of the night. On the eve of my elementary school’s “Bike Rodeo,” where each class competes in bicycle obstacle courses and various skill tests, I found myself feeling the pressure of having won 1st place overall (out of every grade K-4) since Kindergarten. It was my last year competing in the Bike Rodeo as I would graduate Elementary School that year for 5th Grade Intermediate School.
Outside of restfully bouncing on the trampoline making wishes as my Dad encouraged me to do, I had, for the first time ever, found myself standing alone outside of my parents house on the front driveway staring up at the stars.
“Star light, star bright, The first star I see tonight; I wish I may, I wish I might, Have the wish I wish tonight.”
I begged from the bright star, “Please oh please let me win first place overall” and the very next morning, I won. Never after that moment did I take advantage of wishing on stars. In fact, I only found wishing on stars to be helpful during my darker moments over the past 22 or so years since then. But oddly there have been a few late nights, such as tonight, that I find myself desperately stretching for the nearest window to open the shades to see the stars. I always make a point to choose my wishes very wisely, because I know that we are all only allotted so many, and I do not wish on every first star that I see. The truth of the matter is that when I am reaching for that window, reaching for that curtain to pull back and see the sky, it isn’t a wish or a dream or a longing for an answer that I crave in that moment.
I draw the blinds back and my eyes shoot up. I feel a light bounce under my back and a flutter race over my heart and in that moment I am taken back to the trampoline. The trampoline where time stood still, where my Dads words were the most brilliant in the world and where little girls wishes came true. And in that exact moment, somehow, the wish being granted no longer becomes the prize.
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Beautiful photos taken by James Nord
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