Baby Damsel 3 weeks ago Our First Year with June
Everyone told me that the first year would fly by.
Everyone told me to savor every single moment of the day. Everyone told me I would love June more than anything I could ever imagine in my life. Everyone was absolutely right.
Time felt like it stood still in the hundreds of moment’s we have shared with June over the past year. Witnessing the little thing’s she would do, like giggling at our dog, Polly, and seeing her develop into performing stronger tasks, such as lifting her head to eventually crawling, all felt like we were in some sort of bubble – a bubble of pure happiness. But somehow, here we are at the year mark and as I look back on everything, my heart is aching with joy and sadness all at once.
I feel an immense amount of happiness and pride that we made it – all four of us. We made it through our first year and we have made “it,” our family, what we never knew we always wanted and needed most in this world. “We” did not exist before February 1, 2019 and here we are now, a strong unit that has created our own version of what it means to be a family. And I feel sadness that our first precious year together is now over. While I am looking forward to experiencing more “firsts” together, I can’t help but also feel sad over feeling, quite intensely so, the passing of time as it is so easy to watch it pass by quickly in the days and weeks where June develops at a rapid pace.
June is my proudest creation and my life’s greatest work. Hearing her first giggle, watching her light up when Grant walks in the room and seeing her interact with Polly are only a few of the moment’s that will be forever etched on to my heart. The amount of unconditional love that I discovered for June after she was born was overwhelming in the best way imaginable.
The early days were so challenging, filled with sleepless nights and inner battles as I shed a former layer of who I was as a person into becoming June’s mom. Becoming her mom wasn’t an instantaneous thing I knew how to do from day one. I knew how to love her, how to protect her and provide for her, but it took me a while to know how to be a Mom. It wasn’t always easy and it still isn’t easy. But that doesn’t also mean that I do not 100% absolutely love June with all of my heart.
I am so lucky that she chose me to be her mom.
As another cliché saying goes, the days are long and year’s are short. I will always look back on this year as being the one that filled the furthest corners in my heart with love. Watching Grant grow into his role as June’s dad has been profound. Grant was born to be June’s dad. The moment she was born he knew exactly what to do and exactly what to say. With every morning feeding, every diaper change, every late night wake up call from her room to ours, Grant would be there. Every day he has a smile on his face and is eager to step in to play his part. On particular days where I may have been uncertain, Grant wasn’t. He would bring me coffee, kiss my cheek and tell me I am doing great. His outpouring of tireless energy and love for June was my biggest inspiration this year to keep going, even on the days I wanted to curl up and cry with frustration or sleeplessness. As a new parent, you are constantly learning how to balance, battle and manage this new way of life. Grant taught me that even on the hardest days, you find the energy from somewhere within. You draw the effort from a place of love, and he loves June more than anything in this world.
We didn’t plan a huge first birthday party for June because we wanted to share in this special moment with just us – just our family. And while we will have a very small birthday party to celebrate our first year together, our hearts are very full of love and happiness.
Happy Birthday, June. I am so proud to call you my daughter today and always. We love you so much.
Scroll to the bottom of this post for credits on everything I used for June’s party.