Mental Health 5 years ago How To Manage Social Media FOMO, Jealousy & Anxiety
We’ve all been there: Comparing the highlight reels of people’s life on social media and comparing it to our own.
There is really nothing worse than the scenario of sitting on your couch in sweats, it’s a Saturday night and you pick up your phone in hopes to escape, but are met with pangs of jealousy as you scroll through photos from other peoples wild and crazy fun night. As a blogger, I can attest to the feeling of “FOMO” {fear of missing out} and often feeling like I’m in a rut while everyone seems to have their life together.
Did you know that social media has been linked to higher levels of loneliness, envy, depression and decreased social skills?
I sat down with my friend and who I refer to as my “spiritual guru,” Kathryn Chaya Lubow recently and shared with her my anxiety over sometimes even opening my Instagram app.
I met Kathryn about two years ago when I was in a really dark place in life. Her incredibly calm demeanor and almost zen-like wisdom continues to bring me peace and clarity to this day. I am in awe of her wisdom and certainty about who she is as a person. Outside of her integrated mind body and spirit approach to psychotherapy, she is the host of the Awakenings in Real Life podcast where women share insights, challenges and laughs on what it’s like to awaken in the middle of our everyday lives. Whether it’s a breathing technique, daily affirmations and quotes, or just a recommendation for a good book, Kathryn always seems to have the right words and wisdom to help talk me off my “ledge.”
When I received amazing answers back from my interview with Kathryn, I decided to break it up into a 3-part series {Social Media, What Is Meditation and How To Do It & What is EMDR with Kathryn Lubow}.
Whether you are going through a FOMO {fear of missing out} phase on social media or feeling like you are in a rut with your blog, I wanted to kick off this mini-series with Kathryn by offering her quick and easy tips on how we can all keep ourselves in check when it comes to comparing our lives to the people we follow on social media {present party included}.
Kathryn also teaches an 8 week Mindful Self Compassion 8 week program at the Den Meditation Center in Los Angeles and offers extremely practical tools that help her patients achieve a greater sense of vitality, calm and well being and find relief from the patterns that have kept them stuck.
What is something that people can do to get out of their “social media funk” or “FOMO”?
1. Connect to what inspires you
Dive into the activities that give you a sense of joy and live in person connection, which we all need. The Dalai Lama said that we can all survive without religion or meditation, but we can’t survive without affection.
2. Look within
Instead of adding more stuff, people or even new places to travel, sometimes the farthest destination we need to go to is to get quiet and still within ourselves. One of my teachers, Loch Kelly, asks “What is here if there is no problem to solve?” What if we were not trying to get, achieve or change anything? But to simply be with what is in this moment – this second?
3. Help others
And never forget the healing power of being of service to others. When we take our attention off of our selves and our personal problems and dedicate ourselves to helping someone else, we gain so much in return.
4. Take a break
At times, you may need to take a social media break such as by being in nature, or to only engage in social media at certain times of the day. You can also self select how you use social media and prioritize your time to connect to the people who inspire you to feel good about yourself and to move closer towards your own aspirations and goals, rather than only promoting themselves.
I love when people show their eccentricities online, it's such a breath of fresh air and authentic reality!
What about bloggers? Posting regular photos of their “perfect” lives and anything and everything in between can cause a major toll on self image and self esteem. What is something that bloggers/influencers can do to lift themselves out of the social media fog?
All of us need to create space to hit the pause button in our life, even if for brief moments of time. This can be done in many ways, such as meditation practice, going for a walk in nature or some other activity that promotes calm and well being and greater connection to oneself.
1. Take a step back
The social media fog can create a disconnect from the life we are curating online and the actual felt sense and lived experience of our life unmediated by technology. We can start to occupy a virtual landscape where it can be challenging to distinguish reality from fantasy—life without a filter, the beauty and the mess. We know it is time to take a step away, if we are noticing more self judgement, criticism and disconnection.
2. Reconnect
Is there a way that we can slow down to reconnect to the reason why we became a blogger in the first place? For many people, it may be in the drive to connect, to reach others and help to contribute to the world in some way. Sometimes it can also help to reconnect with our original intention for engaging with social media and how that can support us from a larger perspective.
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3. Be Authentic
Are there ways to bring more meaning to your online presence in which you feel that you are less likely to bash yourself for taking risks, showing up and perhaps being vulnerable and revealing more of your humanity? Perfection is not a reality, as I see in my office, it is just an idea generated by the thinking mind and what the media portrays as possible—if we just have the right thing to wear, buy, consume etc. However, the reality is that the goal is progress not perfection and one key step in connecting with this is to bring some self compassion to your experience which is imperfect by nature. We are all human and we can relate and connect online from a place that does not hold us accountable to an idealized version of who we are, or how others think we should be. I love when people make fun of themselves or show their eccentricities online, it is such a breath of fresh air and authentic reality!
Have you ever had questions about meditation, EMDR, anxiety or how you allow your past to affect your present? Are you looking for tips that can help you stay connected to yourself and others? I hope you enjoy part one and please leave questions / comments for Kathryn below!
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