Family 5 years ago How Having a Baby Changed My Marriage
Imagine you are drowning and someone hands you a baby.
I can’t believe I am going to say this but my marriage needed a baby. My marriage was drowning before.
I won’t get into details in this particular post, but Grant and I didn’t realize before we had June that our relationship had grown to become a bit stagnant over 11 years of being together. I will absolutely talk about this at a later date, but we were struggling before we had June.
Never in a million years did I think I would be the person who would admit that a baby mended a lot of our past issues, but it is the truth. And this is because a lot of our relationship issues stemmed from a lack of mutual direction.
Please don’t get me wrong: I do not think that a relationship needs a baby to sustain itself. In fact, as you may remember, I was once very afraid to have a baby. Then, Grant and I shared a vulnerable video about how we knew it was time to have a baby. This post is not in any way written with the intent that bringing a baby into the world will mend or change everyone’s relationships for the better. But in this particular instance, it was exactly what Grant needed, what I needed and what our relationship had always longed for but never really knew it.
Having a June was the best thing that ever happened to my marriage.
With each step of a relationship (dating, moving in together, engagement, marriage) you grow together as a team. So, to have a baby only strengthened our team-like spirit.
She keeps us focused on the most important thing in our lives, which is family. Because with everything that we do, it not only affects Grant and I, but it also affects June and her future. Even the way that we argue is different. We laugh more, which is interesting because we laughed a lot before. We cry more because we cannot believe the magic of life.
At the end of the day, I want to say that we are still “us” – Grant and Jacey – but it just isn’t the case. We have morphed into a family now. A family that will be forever and always intertwined through our little girl, June.
Below you will find a few ways that married life has shifted for us, now that we have a baby.
1. We Fight More
Grant and I never really had any major fights prior to having a baby. While many would say that it’s rather healthy not to fight, I would strongly disagree. We have learned a great deal from each other through our disagreements and have also learned that it’s okay to disagree. It is inevitable that bickering will increase when you add a baby into the mix. You somehow feel like you are carrying more weight than your spouse, no matter what. But navigating these new obstacles has truly brought us closer somehow. I actually like seeing Grant get heated in a fight. Before June, I never saw this. I’m not saying we fight a lot – there’s been a very small handful of disagreements – but it’s nice to have that type of passion in a relationship and it’s something that was lacking before.
2. Planning Is Everything
You literally have to plan EVERYTHING when you have a baby at home. There’s no such thing as spontaneously deciding to go grab sushi on Sunday night because there are very small windows of time that June can be awake {we have her on a strict schedule}. And even when you do get a chance to go out, the evening is focused on her and keeping her happy, not leisurely talks about our resolutions and what the future may hold. We’ve really learned that planning our schedules is exceptionally important if we want to have a strong balance between parent life and couple life.
3. Let’s Talk About S-E-X
I know, it’s taboo. But it’s also the #1 thing people assume about post baby married life and it’s that there’s a lack of sex and/or chemistry. Without getting into too many details, I’ll just say that quality of quantity has always been the secret to our healthy sex lives and the quality since we had a baby is top notch. There’s something super sexy to me about Grant in his new “dad” role. Plus seeing what we’ve created together has been such an incredible bonding experience – I honestly can’t describe the intense increase in chemistry between us, but it’s been phenomenal.
4. Of Course, We Are Tired (Who Isn’t)
I know, I know – everyone is tired. Everyone told us before having a baby that we would be sleepless. I get it, parent’s don’t sleep. Even with an amazing baby who sleeps 12 hours a night, we are still somehow always tired. The biggest way this has affected my marriage is that our evenings consist of me working on my laptop until 10pm while Grant cat naps on the couch. All in all, it’s not that bad!
5. We Serve More
Having a baby has helped Grant and I to serve one another in new and different ways. I’m sure most of you have heard of “love languages.” A day in the life of a parent offers you a million ways to express your love and commitment to your partner and it’s incredibly romantic.
Having a baby is obviously a life long commitment and not one to be taken lightly. Often times when a woman gets pregnant it can cause a divide between their spouse because the husband cannot relate to what the woman is experiencing. In exceptionally rare cases, it can save a marriage.
I was 35 years old when we decided to pull the goalie and try for a baby. And while it definitely made my marriage stronger, this might not be the case for everyone. If your marriage or relationship is troubled in any way, please seek the professional help that you need and get back on a firm footing before you decide to bring another little person into your marriage relationship.
0 Comments Join the Conversation