My dear June, What can I say about 2020?
I remember writing to you 7 months ago when I was feeling blue, yet also hopeful that this mess would end soon. So much has happened since then. We’ve lost friends. We have stayed indoors, panicked over how many paper towels to buy, missed vacations and longed to see family and friends who live in Texas. We have worried, stressed and learned. We’ve struggled, mentally and physically, as the price of this pandemic has taken its extreme toll on everyone.
As the world introduces a vaccine for Covid-19, I would be lying if I said I feel the end is in sight. Sadly, I believe the dark cloud of Covid-19 will continue to hover over the world for a little while longer. But, as the year comes to a close, I have been reflecting and trying to make sense of it all.
A lot of people say that 20/20 was the year for clear vision. Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, a famous Buddhist meditation master, said “We cannot change the way the world is, but by opening ourselves to the world as it is, we may find that gentleness, decency and bravery are available – not only to us, but to all human beings.” That is what this year was about for me.
There have been so many learning curves and challenges with 2020, but there has also been an incredible amount of growth. In the beginning of 2020 I resisted it all. I fought against the idea of sitting still, listening, practicing patience and learning time and time again to readjust goals, readjust plans and readjust my outlook on life. I hated sitting still and having to listen to the inner workings of my anxious mind going around and round through different scenarios, plans, fears and ideas. But the more I was literally forced to sit still, the better I got at it. And while a lot of these transformations continue to happen behind the scenes, I feel like a better person exiting this year than when I started it.
I simply would not have made it through 2020 in one piece if it weren’t for you and your incredible dad, always making me laugh along the way. The more we sat still, in our home together, the more I saw your smile, heard your laugh and saw your beautiful blue eyes light up at the simple things like your dad hiding behind a door or jumping on the bed. If I was having a bad day, your dad would pick up the slack. If he woke up feeling down, I would add pep in my step to cheer up the house. We all took turns, lifting each other up and while your dad and I had our back and forth struggles, there was one thing that was a constant.
Through the darkest days of 2020 you were always there, shining your bright light stronger than ever.
You were the literal glue that held us together this year. With your amazing positive energy, constant smiles and unconditional love, we made it through. And I realize that you are not even 2 years old at the time that this letter is being written, but it’s the truth.
You are my light, my bright Christmas star and I feel so incredibly lucky to be your mom.
I love you, Mom